i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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