The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
