I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
