Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
