If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
