I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
