I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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