so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
