I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
