I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
