It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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