She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
