You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
