I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
