you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
