You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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