tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
