only if we run a train.
done.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
