It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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