I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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