Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
