at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
