I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
