I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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