glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
