Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
