you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
