She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Someone shattered a urinal.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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