this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
