Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
