I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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