Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
