watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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