I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
