Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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