I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
