Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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