i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
