my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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