I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
