your parents love me but you hate me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
