you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
