I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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