meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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