I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
