Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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