Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
