I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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