You really coming over, don't trick.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
