what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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