How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
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hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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