If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
