NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
