I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
