I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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